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Michigan Students are Jackoffs for Ruining Campus Showers

12/03/2009

Different studies have found that masturbation is frequent in humans. Alfred Kinsey’s 1950’s studies on US population have shown that 92% of men and 62% of women have masturbated during their lifespan.  At the University of Michigan, I’d guess that these numbers more closely represent how often Wolverines whack it every day.  This is setting a very dangerous precedent, and with the dawn of Dr. Drew’s Sex Rehab, we may be reaching a full-on pandemic.  I’d love the see the section of Michigan’s Honor Code that details the protocol for beating off.  And why does it seem that only the hallway pipes are too inferior to handle semen?  Semen costs run into the thousands every year?  Travis Henry may beg to differ.  Either way, I’d still rather be a UofM janitor than Tiger Woods.

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