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Warm Weather Drinking Game for the Weekend

03/19/2010

For those of us that don’t live south of the Mason-Dixon, warm weather seems to catch us by surprise every spring.   It’s as if we neglect to remember the previous hundreds of springs, or maybe we secretly fear it may never arrive.  We talk about how nice it is, we make it a point to go out-out, we walk, we track down patio seating, we drink.  People get very excited.  I recently commented on how quiet my neighborhood has been since Pho Republique closed its doors late last year.  I was wrong.  The instant the mercury topped sixty,  loudmouth louts cluttered the streets.

If rising temperatures make you want to drink, forget your father, or feel like a king, I have developed the perfect pastime to conquer your displaced energy.  Created during a Going Away Party for my friend Parrott (c.2003), Bun Tossing is one of my greatest living achievements.  I have no children, but if I did, I would  gladly hurl them overboard if it meant I was able to save Bun Tossing.

You will need the following :

Object:

Rules:

  1. Hold one half of one bun in your open palm (You may not clutch or squeeze the bun) like such:
  2. Your opponent does the same
  3. Place lit cigarette in mouth
  4. Assume the starting position of back-to-back with your opponent
  5. March off three large steps, shootout style
  6. When you reach step 3, turn and fire at the face of your opponent, trying to knock the cigarette out of his or her mouth
  7. Bun must be thrown in an overhand sweeping motion, Jai Alai style, and NOT the way you would throw a baseball or football
  8. If cigarette is not knocked out, repeat game until a clear winner is determined
  9. Laugh uncontrollably, revel in the sound bread can make when slapped against skin
  10. Like playground hoops, winner stays, winner got Next.

You might think that it’s hard to knock the cigarette out.  It’s not.  The times that you do miss or fail usually result in, at the very least, your opponent being slapped in the face by a flying bun and that’s awesome.  I am actually undefeated in this game, fittingly, since I made it up.  I often get asked who my dream Bun Tossing adversary would be.  The answer is a simple one, and the answer is Barack Obama.  He smokes and he hosts beer summits.  Peanut butter and jelly don’t go together this well my friends.

Look at how loose his dangle is, a surefire victory awaits!

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